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Money vibes in the air

May 1st, 2005 at 07:30 am

First, a hearty thanks to the person who rated my rantings at four stars. Thank you!!! I know I am certainly enjoying the site - reading and contributing. The information, but also the sense of community, are strong motivators.

Its nearing the midnight hour and we should be sleeping soundly, but neither of us feels like it. Money has become a central point of discussion this evening. This is a major shift for us. A pleasant shift.

Tonight we went to see the hitchhiker's guide. Quite well done. Didnt read the book, but DH did. He said many things were left out, but for a nubie, it was entertaining. I came out of the theater feeling very well entertained.

Afterwards, we went to Taco Bell...a total impulse move. We didnt want to come home and face responsibilities, so we got terrible food that we will more than likely regret in the morning. I joked w/ DH that I was such a cheap date as the entire evening cost him about/ less than $25.

So, after coming home and chowing on very tasty/nasty fast food, we started talking about money. DH showed me the cc used strictly for groceries. That was an eye opener. I went to the discussion bd here to find out more about how much is should/would/could cost for a family of two. We are speding around $300-$350 per month. Disgustingly high. This does not include dining out, which we have cut back within the past two to three months. This was the perfect time for me to mention that those numbers could be reduced signigicantly WITH A LITTLE HELP IN MENU PLANNING - meaning his input and ideas for things he would like to eat. Point was well recieved. It was also a golden moment for reinforcing some of my quirky methods for saving money, i.e. making when DH would rather buy.

Then, further examination revealed a suspicious (sp?) monthly charge on his cc. Tracking it back, its been happening for some time. However, DH usually does not check his statements closely. I think that is about to change. I've caught mistakes on mine in the past and now I've learned to decipher the statements, thoroughly going over the fine print, etc.

And that is what is significant here. With just the minor changes I've been making, talking openly about my goals and how I am working toward them has indirectly had an impact. DH seems to be more aware that even though we are doing okay, with some changes, we can do even better. We both come from very frugal families. His family made it work; mine is still locked into the poverty mentallity. So, cutting back is not really new. It was just the issue that we never completely sorted out prior to getting married.

Currently, we keep our finances separate. I like it that way. I've seen too many women become financially tethered to failing relationships. Not that I expect to bail anytime soon...or ever for that matter. But life is unpredictable and should it ever come to that, I value my freedom.

Stepping down from the the soap box now... I am thrilled in the turn around and the general direction we are going to head off into. I would like to retire early or go down to part time within the next five years; once cc's are paid and house is paid too. May need a new car by then, but would like to pay in cash. I just want to be free of major expenses, get out of the rat race as much as possible and get on with the business of living. I'm in my late 30's (sounds so much better than "I'll be 37 next month.") Still a challenge to admit that I dont have it al together as I'd hoped at this point. Where does the time go?

I think its time to try some sleep. It's free!!!

2 Responses to “Money vibes in the air”

  1. Anonymous Says:
    1114953462

    How do you keep your finances separate? Do you have a joint account to pay the bills or something? I completely respect that you do that...most women I know have a serious need to merge absolutely everything when they get married. I like the idea of maintaining some sort of separation.

  2. Anonymous Says:
    1114960831

    We both have separate incomes and separate checking/savings accounts; like we did when we were dating. The general rule is that we both can do whatever we want with our money. But we are both smart enough to know that if we are in this together we need to come to some agreements. Thankfully we are both pretty responsible (DH more than I).

    We split all utilites right down the middle. Every month we each write a check out. Whoever pays last puts the stamps on the envelope.

    I carry the insurance through my job. This comes out of my check. To compensate DH picks up a bit more of the mortgage.

    Food - this one is more gray. When we were dating and living together DH paid for all food. The trade off was that I did all the shopping. Originally we discussed splitting the food, but at the time he was making more than I and since I was doing all the leg work and finding the deals, it only seemed fair for him to pay.

    Once married and I found a better job, we split food costs for a while, but now he pays for the better part of it; again because I am the one doing the hunting and gathering. The compromise is that if I'm out shopping and I know he's paid for a lot of things recently or I've got lots of personal items on the bill I will pay. It just seems fair.

    DH is paying more than I right now for the remodeling. Its another reason why I want to clean up things on my end. I want to contribute more toward the house.

    The idea is that we will split everything, but compassionately. There is a lot of give and take. Another example is when we go out. I love that he insists on paying. But I will try to reccomend places where we have a coupon. Or when we go to movies, suggest an earlier show. Or if I know I'm going to want popcorn, I'll have some before we go. Its not conventional, but its working.

    Whenever I've mentioned the fact that our money is separate to other people I know, they look at me as if I'm setting my marriage up for failure. At first it did seem odd, even to me, to be doing things this way. But I really like having my own money. I dont have to explain anything to anyone - good, bad or ugly.

    In the big picture of life, marriage originally was not at the top of my list. I really thought I would be single for the rest of my days. I like the independence. But now that I have taken the plunge, I'm really glad I did it. (married in my early 30's) I just cant be conventional about it. Far too suffocating. Just the thought makes my stomach tight!!

    Just dont buckle for convention...Hope this helps.

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