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money stuff on a funky Sunday afternoon

May 9th, 2005 at 02:12 am

This has been a nearly no spend weekend, more or less. I had an appt, but that was budgeted for, so even though I spent, no new debt was incurred. That's it. This was a no debt weekend? Its a shade of gray, but there must be a good name for it.

We went to sam's and got out of there spending only $65. That was a small miracle in itself. DH paid. Groceries, all things that were on the list that I've been keeping on the fridge for the last month or so. Whenever we run out of something, I write it down so the list more accurately reflects what we need and use.

I've been doing a lot of reading about money and saving. The books on saving were REALLY boring so I didnt finish them which means I got no information out of them. Are they trying to discourage people from saving?Saving has always been a dry subject for me with the charts and formulas. Its always been something other people do, crusty, boring people who dont seem to be having any fun. Standing back to read what I've just typed, it makes total sense to me that I am in the situation I am.

I guess I found the books on living more frugally far more interesting. Does this then imply that I will spend the rest of my days living on less while never saving? Always chasing the tail while not realizing I am the one making it go round and round? This is starting to make sense to me.....How else will I reach my goals and live the life I dream of if I dont find another source of income other than the tick tock world of 9 to 5??? Ive really begun to see how this is working and how I've kept myself trapped.

Interestingly, this is happening as my job/career is about to take off. Things are looking good and all I need to do is continue on with what I already do and wait for the results to come in. I've never been in this situation before. Totally new territory. I had this flash that after all the strugling to pay things off while I am in school for a masters, that is when I will start to make more money; when the need is not as strong nor the situation as dire as it once was. Stranger than fiction....

I will continue to get some books from the library. It puts me in the right frame of mind. But if I continue to do what I've always done, I will continue to get the same results....

Good God, where is this coming from?

On a more earthly level, this Friday is payday. I should know how much my check is by Tues!!! After a huge balance transfer to a lower rate, the Discover has a couple of hundred on it that I will pay off this week. I'm considering closing that account, but I would be without a card I could use for expenses. Its probably a good thing, but I am a bit afraid to be without the security blanket plastic provides. This is a chance for me to put my money where my mouth is (no pun intended) and see if I can put the brakes on they cycle of spend and debt. (I already hear steel wheels screeching. Are those sparks I see?)

That is something to seriously consider. It makes my stomach feel all twisty and knotted.....What if I miss a really big sale?? (LOL) What if I have to do without??? I think that is the real question here.

Went through the Sunday paper this morning and there was nothing I needed; nor was there anything I wanted. I'm tired of chasing around town, running errands and then managing stuff. Plus, I have already stocked up on the basics, the things we use regularly, so we dont need any more. Its a good place to be at, but there is still something I need to settle in my outlook on this... more shifting into using what I already have rather than continuing to chase the best deal or whatever else is dangled in front of me...stepping out of consumerism and all the bad habits I've acquired (sp).

The week ahead looks pretty low keyed. I have food prepared for lunch tomorrow. Will make somethings for dinner tonight that I can take for the rest of the week. I still entertain dreams of retiring next week. Though, I like the work I do and the people I work with my current job is not what I yearn to do with my time when I open my eyes in the morning. I feel like a fake who will be found out.

I need to process this. I am feeling rather off with all these new thoughts that I've uncovered. I suppose that is why we write...

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